Oh dear...

It's already end of june!!

Updates:

-School's over,so are the exams and all that other tiring stuff.

One more year and im done,for good.

Don't know whether to be happy or sad about it :)

Ahhh i cannot wait for college!

- I got an SLR! Yes, i managed to make a deal with mammy and i got it for my 17th birthday.

- Florence Welsh. One of the best concerts i've ever been to. She's so amazing and pretty too.

- A few beach trips, a few parties...a big mess.

- Hair still hasn't grown back :/ ccooommmee onnn!

- Singing starts on tues :) I don't know how Im gonna do it...but i hope it goes well.

So i've wasted a month of my summer already...I can't really blame anyone but myself.

It's just...i don't want to do anything anymore...it's like i can't feel anything anymore.

I thought it was only that night and it would go away...but it's still here.

It's like...it's all gone. I don't feel anything towards anyone and i just don't care about anything anymore.

That's why im really hopeful that i can make this trip to London work and that maybe it will bring my feelings back...

...Help me to fall in love again.

Happy (late) Easter!

I sometimes wonder if people can read your mind...

It's just. Sometimes i think of things and then i see you doing them.
But i suppose if you could,you wouldn't just leave me alone on my sad days.


Wow. It's been a whole month.
I suppose i do barely get on this anymore.
Because surprise surprise i got a diary!
(Well i actually got a really nice notebook in Paris and decided to start a diary in it)
BECAAUUSEE...

I think I'm too open for my own good.
It's just you're not supposed to always to say things you think and i do,most of the time.
So I've decided to stop (not all people appreciate honesty...) and just put my mind on paper instead.


I must admit,i do get very emotional at times. So to spare everyone including myself, no one needs to know about it :)

I'm just like a match, i light up as quickly as i go out.

Oh by the way, major improvement in not caring so much! I'm trying my best not to let anyone get to me...I'm sick of always trying too hard for people who don't even care.
:)

P.S. I still like him... I wonder if I'll ever fully stop.
The best part is he'll never know for sure, or will he?

Happy Spring.

It's unhealthy to rely on someone for happiness.



I blame the wind for the tears...

Happy Valentine's Day!

Yes,already!

I'm very sorry i haven't been on in so long.

Updates:

Paris was amazing. It's really the city of love. It didn't do me much good, except it just gave me time off. When i came back things took turn for worse.

So yeah,those few weeks weren't the best.

Then school started. And everything seemed to be better. All them lovely people made me smile in one way or other.

Some more,than others ;)

Sooo...on the subject of love.

(Since it's Valentine's day.)

What is love?

I'm always gonna philosophise about it...

Love is just a bunch of feelings.

I think that true love is falling in love with someone's imperfections.

Its not saying "Oh i love him because he has beautiful eyes" or "because he's hot"

Love is being able to say "I love the way he always fixes his hair" or "The way she's always late" or "His bad jokes"

It's something unique that attracts You and no one else.

Well i stayed in today. And watched Juno. I kind of hoped someone would make my day, even with the littlest of things,but no. So now I'm just a little disappointed?

Juno is a great movie. But it makes you wonder where are boys like Paulie Bleeker in real life?

It's like boys nowadays, are soooo...closed up? The ones that aren't are just sleazebags who think they're gonna turn you on with a few compliments...

And i know i know...the fear of rejection gets to us all.

But how long can you just hide your feelings?

It's unhealthy. And now i just feel like...

Wait no. I just had this thought of telling the person i like, that i do. And it just didn't seem too right. More like awkward. Especially if he doesn't feel the same way...and then I'd have to see him day and day after and avoid him as much as possible.

Wow...that makes sense. That's why people don't share they're feelings...

To avoid awkwardness after. Right.

It still pisses me off though, but you have to do what you have to do eh?

At the end of the day, I love feeling the way I do.

I just hope he does too...

Merry Christmas...

...and a Happy New Year.

Aw,i can't remember the last time i was on this...

But maybe i should update it.

I suppose blogs reflect on people...this one shows that im never bothered with anything.

Oh if only my mind was a typewriter...

I think this lack of energy is due to:

-Me being anaemic. (I've always denied it when people point out my paleness,but this constant tiredness is worrying.)

- People's lack of enthusiasm. Im up for anything...most of the time. It's the way to go, if you want an exciting life.

I prefer to think about things...instead of trying to explain them to you.

I will though,one day.

(All you have to do is ask...)

Arctic monkeys were as good as i expected them to be.

Everything else not so much.

Oh Alex...

Placebo too.

Lovely,i didnt know Brian was that old though.

You can really see it on his face...

Im going to Paris tomorrow.

Im hoping it will clear my mind about a few things bothering me at the moment...

Hopefully i can enjoy myself.

And fall in love again.

I really need time off.

---

Why cry when you can laugh?

Why die when you can live?

Why hate when you can love?

Au revoir.

xox

505

Wow...

Im going to see my heroes tomorrow :)

CANNOT WAIT.

Love.Love.Love.

You always make me feel good about myself and you dont even have to try.

xox

23.11.

Yesterday i figured out what love is.



The weather lately has been absolutely horrible. These storms. I wonder what it could mean...
So I've been blown away so many times...now i just stay in.


Well but i had to go to town yesterday...bought some things,got some fresh air,got a Starbucks.
I love that lovely Starbucks on Dame street. Memories.
Also the guy behind the counter always asks me how i am that day...or tries to make some sort of conversation.
I enjoy it. The fact that he actually remembers me...and is just simply friendly.
:)



So as i was standing at the bus stop...waiting for my bus,sipping on my half cold,dark cherry mocha...i was just thinking about things and people,as i do.
And then it hit me. We love people for their characteristics...funny,beautiful,caring,polite...etc
But that's not true love...because someone could be really funny, but be very selfish...and then you wouldnt like them. I know i wouldnt.

But that's not the point.
The point is...that true love is falling for people's imperfections.
It's liking the little things...like their clumsiness...them always being late...lack of cooking skills.
The way they walk,bad jokes...
Yes you might find it annoying,but if you're willing to put up with it...it means you care enough about that person.

And eventually you find that you wouldnt want them any other way.


xox